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Witty Facebook Statuses
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Some people just lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That's where I come in.
Never criticise someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes...that way you are a mile away and you have their shoes :-)
Due to lack of use... I have been denied access to my sanity.
Quit using the same lame sarcastic " your right, im wrong". Its not about who's right or who's wrong. It's about WHAT is right.......So can i please eat my fruity pebbles in peace without hearing any of your CONSTANT BITCHING ?!?!
For those who tell you "I know you better than you know yourself" You should ask them "Okay, what did I fantasize about when I masturbated this morning?"
will need an airplane and a condom, in order to give a flying fuck.
I can't stand it when people put song lyrics in their status updates, because they remind me of somebody that I used to know.
"MONEY" cannot buy happiness!..I'd like to see how sad i could be with a NEW HOUSE ,NEW CAR,NEW EVERYTHING I WANT!
Raise up your middle finger and wave goodbye.
says crazy is a relative term. Most of my relatives have it. LOL
Witty Facebook Statuses
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It's never too late to learn something useless.
I just read just somewhere that stress makes you smarter... If that's true I should be splitting an atom in my kitchen sink sometime later today! :p!
when someone tells you to get in shape, tell them round is a shape.
Knowledge: Knowing there's a one-way street. Wisdom: Looking both ways before crossing one-way street.
I think my virginity is growing back...
the number one fear is public speaking. second is death. therefore, if you're at a funeral, you're better off in the casket than giving the eulogy!
When life gives you lemons, cut them into little pieces and rub them in the eyes of those that piss you off.
wants to thank Crown, Jack, Jose, and that oddly placed Camel for all of your support!!!

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