Witty Facebook Statuses

Facebook statuses containing witty statements are undoubtedly the first port of call for those wishing to generate a large amount of activity on their Timeline. But what are you to do if you cannot think of witty Facebook statuses? The simple answer is to take the time to browse the ever-expanding selection of witty Facebook statuses we have on offer here.

Please add only relevant and interesting statuses. If your total rating gets to low you won't be able to post again for some time.



wants to thank Crown, Jack, Jose, and that oddly placed Camel for all of your support!!!
Never criticise someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes...that way you are a mile away and you have their shoes :-)
when someone tells you to get in shape, tell them round is a shape.
Quit using the same lame sarcastic " your right, im wrong". Its not about who's right or who's wrong. It's about WHAT is right.......So can i please eat my fruity pebbles in peace without hearing any of your CONSTANT BITCHING ?!?!
Those of us that can embrace our past are the ones that have learned from our mistakes. Those of us that try to hide the past are still making the same mistakes
I sometimes watch birds and wonder "If I could fly who would I shit on?"
i only 'forgive n forget' once. after that ur sh!t outta luck! i dont play that game. SORRY!
For those who tell you "I know you better than you know yourself" You should ask them "Okay, what did I fantasize about when I masturbated this morning?"
DYSFUNCTION - abnormal or unhealthy interpersonal behavior or interaction within a group. Doesn't that just scream party looking for a place to happen?
Raise up your middle finger and wave goodbye.
will need an airplane and a condom, in order to give a flying fuck.
God doesn't think they's Jose Mourinho :D
Due to lack of use... I have been denied access to my sanity.
Some people just lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That's where I come in.
just imagine if the Pilgrims killed a cat insted of a turkey we all would be eating pussy
says crazy is a relative term. Most of my relatives have it. LOL
Boy: Walks up to girl, "If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together." Girl: "No need because N and O are already together."
Let's see how creative my Facebook friends are! Leave me a 1-word comment that best describes me using the THIRD letter of YOUR FIRST name

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