Witty Facebook Statuses

Facebook statuses containing witty statements are undoubtedly the first port of call for those wishing to generate a large amount of activity on their Timeline. But what are you to do if you cannot think of witty Facebook statuses? The simple answer is to take the time to browse the ever-expanding selection of witty Facebook statuses we have on offer here.

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Witty Facebook Statuses
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Never criticise someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes...that way you are a mile away and you have their shoes :-)
Due to lack of use... I have been denied access to my sanity.
when someone tells you to get in shape, tell them round is a shape.
will need an airplane and a condom, in order to give a flying fuck.
I can't stand it when people put song lyrics in their status updates, because they remind me of somebody that I used to know.
It's never too late to learn something useless.
Some people just lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That's where I come in.
I just read just somewhere that stress makes you smarter... If that's true I should be splitting an atom in my kitchen sink sometime later today! :p!
What killed the Pillsbury Dough Boy? A yeast infection.
For those who tell you "I know you better than you know yourself" You should ask them "Okay, what did I fantasize about when I masturbated this morning?"
Witty Facebook Statuses
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Knowledge: Knowing there's a one-way street. Wisdom: Looking both ways before crossing one-way street.
When life gives you lemons, cut them into little pieces and rub them in the eyes of those that piss you off.
Quit using the same lame sarcastic " your right, im wrong". Its not about who's right or who's wrong. It's about WHAT is right.......So can i please eat my fruity pebbles in peace without hearing any of your CONSTANT BITCHING ?!?!
says crazy is a relative term. Most of my relatives have it. LOL
wants to thank Crown, Jack, Jose, and that oddly placed Camel for all of your support!!!
Raise up your middle finger and wave goodbye.
I think my virginity is growing back...
the number one fear is public speaking. second is death. therefore, if you're at a funeral, you're better off in the casket than giving the eulogy!

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