Funny Facebook Statuses

Research shows that funny Facebook statuses are the ones that generally get the most positive reaction from readers. Being light-hearted and funny is definitely the way to win approval from large numbers of Facebook users, and funny Facebook statuses are the best way to go about it. For those who are not naturally funny, there are lots of Facebook statuses about funny things available here.

Please add only relevant and interesting statuses. If your total rating gets to low you won't be able to post again for some time.

I HATE it when I think I'm buying organic vegetables, but when I get home I discover they're just regular donuts.
My kid: Why did the Tooth Fairy write me a check? Me: I don't know but she needs you to hold on to it until the 1st of the month.
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run but, I was still sweating by the end.
I think alarm clocks would be more effective if they woke us with motivational phrases like, "OMG, a SNAKE!" or, "THERE ARE ONLY 2 PIECES OF BACON LEFT!"
"Last man standing" is the winner in most contests, but the runner up in musical chairs.
Morning has broken. Let's let it go back to bed and sleep it off until it feels better.
My friend wanted to meet someone the old fashioned way, so I offered sheep and land to a man she didn't know if he agreed to take care of her.
If you lose your shoe at the end of the night, you’re not Cinderella. You’re probably just drunk.
In the word "scent" is it the s that is silent or the c?
The FAA has now banned tweezers aboard airplanes. Personally I think anyone who can hijack a plane with tweezers deserves the plane.
Sorry just got your text. Do you still need to go to the hospital?
I wanted to lose 10 lbs this year. Only 13 more to go!
I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say, "hey, that one looks like an idiot"
The sign said tipping appreciated. Yeah right, Waitress seemed pretty pissed when she got back up.
Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to prevent me from savagely beating my coworkers with a keyboard.
I heard Chipotle is offering a new Ravens burrito. It has everything on it but Rice.
Well at least the funeral home won't have to invest a lot of money to preserve Joan Rivers. All the plastic surgery was preparation enough...
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders


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