Funny Facebook Statuses

Research shows that funny Facebook statuses are the ones that generally get the most positive reaction from readers. Being light-hearted and funny is definitely the way to win approval from large numbers of Facebook users, and funny Facebook statuses are the best way to go about it. For those who are not naturally funny, there are lots of Facebook statuses about funny things available here.

Please add only relevant and interesting statuses. If your total rating gets to low you won't be able to post again for some time.

I feel bad for all the parents whose daughters will cross over from scary to slutty Halloween costumes this year.
I almost talked my way out of a ticket today by telling a female cop she was very attractive, but things went sour when I said "and that's not just the booze talking either".
For Halloween I'm going as an invisible person. I will be at all your parties.
Can someone help me with a way to permanently stop my husband's snoring? Any size pillow will do...
Twerking should be redefined as "tweeting while at work"
Halloween - The only holiday that encourages our kids to take a break from not talking to strangers and not taking their free candy.
New iPad Air will also make your wallet way lighter.
I am trying to give Kim & Kanye their privacy. I just wish they would accept it.
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles?
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.
My boss is an inspiration that one day someone as lazy as me can be in charge.
For Halloween I'm going to write "Life" on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers.
I spend too much money on food to afford any diet program...
I want piñatas at my funeral so people can be happy, but filled with bees so they're not too happy.
People say circumcision doesn’t hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn’t walk for nearly a year.
Dear Zombies, Why not just eat other zombies? Sincerely, non-zombies.
When I'm not sleepy, I listen to some Chris Brown. That knocks me out right away.
I've never heard an alarm going off on a car worth stealing.


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