Funny Facebook Statuses

Research shows that funny Facebook statuses are the ones that generally get the most positive reaction from readers. Being light-hearted and funny is definitely the way to win approval from large numbers of Facebook users, and funny Facebook statuses are the best way to go about it. For those who are not naturally funny, there are lots of Facebook statuses about funny things available here.

Please add only relevant and interesting statuses. If your total rating gets to low you won't be able to post again for some time.

Funny Facebook Statuses
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A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
If "The Shining" came out today, it would be two hours of Jack Nicholson browsing the internet.
I get my cereal from a tiger, insurance from a gecko, toilet paper from a bear, financial advice from a gorilla. It's people I don't trust.
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God, I could be eating a slow learner...
Well, I've officially entered the, "Why did I come into this room?" phase of my life.
I'm probably not going to get accepted into the optimist club.
You know you're lazy when you get excited about canceled plans.
How many pedants does it take to change a light bulb? The correct word is "replace", actually.
I never run voluntarily so if you ever see me running you should start running too because something freaky is coming.
Funny Facebook Statuses
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The site of a woman's cleavage reduces a man's ability to think clearly by 50%...per boob...
There are dozens of different flavors of ramen noodles, but they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
If you're ever sad, just imagine how much worse it would be to be a tree that spent years and years growing up, only to end up as a Justin Bieber notebook.
A guy came to my house last night, said he needed money for starving African children. I told him to get off my porch. What kind of awful person buys starving African children? Freak.
Turns out, I'm not an afternoon person either...
Technically, every picture is a before picture.
Tattoos are an expensive and painful way to ensure that the police are always able to make a positive identification.


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