Funny Facebook Statuses

Research shows that funny Facebook statuses are the ones that generally get the most positive reaction from readers. Being light-hearted and funny is definitely the way to win approval from large numbers of Facebook users, and funny Facebook statuses are the best way to go about it. For those who are not naturally funny, there are lots of Facebook statuses about funny things available here.

Please add only relevant and interesting statuses. If your total rating gets to low you won't be able to post again for some time.

I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.
Short females >>>> Goofy females >>>> Loyal females >>>> Freaky females >>>> Pretty females >>>> RT if you're any of them :)))
I just found out I passed my drug test. My dealer has some explaining to do.
I don't like to make plans too far in advance because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
My ex texted me saying ''You can delete my number'' I texted back ''Who's this?''
My grandfather fought in World War I and survived mustard gas and pepper spray. You might say he was a seasoned veteran.
Twitter makes me forget I have text messages.
Girls think being pregnant is hard, try peeing with a boner.
I'm never shocked when people let me down nowadays. I just hate the fact that I put myself in a position to be let down in the first place.
A tear is made of 1% water and 99% feelings
I ask my parents a simple ''yes'' or ''no'' question and I get a lecture.
Sarcasm is a body’s natural defense against stupid.
I love how urban dictionary says "look up any word, like bootylicious"
I ordered a new GPS unit, but it got lost in the mail.
Dear iPhone, I have typed ''hahaha'' like a million times, yet you continually give me ''hagaha'', ''bahaha'', ''gagaha''... I hate you.
There is no room for you in my heart, but there is in the trunk of my car.
If you’ve never pretended a Cheeto is a tiny caveman club, we can’t be friends.
I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.


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