Funny Facebook Statuses

Research shows that funny Facebook statuses are the ones that generally get the most positive reaction from readers. Being light-hearted and funny is definitely the way to win approval from large numbers of Facebook users, and funny Facebook statuses are the best way to go about it. For those who are not naturally funny, there are lots of Facebook statuses about funny things available here.

Please add only relevant and interesting statuses. If your total rating gets to low you won't be able to post again for some time.

Funny Facebook Statuses
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My ex-girlfriend was like a dwarf star. Extremely hot but not very bright.
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I like sleeping because it is kind of like being dead but without the commitment.
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How do you get holy water? Burn the Hell out of it.
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I once worked as a doorman at a swanky hotel. It was an entry level position.
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I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best-looking guy in the world, but... Oh, hell. Now I'm depressed.
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Let's all pause for a moment of silence for all of those people stuck in traffic going to the gym to ride a stationary bicycle.
Funny
--1
Heat causes things to expand, so I'm not fat; I'm just hot.
Funny
+6
Twitter makes me forget I have text messages.
Funny
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My ex texted me saying ''You can delete my number'' I texted back ''Who's this?''
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Funny Facebook Statuses
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If you’ve never pretended a Cheeto is a tiny caveman club, we can’t be friends.
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I don't like to make plans too far in advance because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
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I love how urban dictionary says "look up any word, like bootylicious"
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Short females >>>> Goofy females >>>> Loyal females >>>> Freaky females >>>> Pretty females >>>> RT if you're any of them :)))
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I'm never shocked when people let me down nowadays. I just hate the fact that I put myself in a position to be let down in the first place.
Funny
+6
Girls think being pregnant is hard, try peeing with a boner.
Funny Facebook Statuses Marky-Poo in Funny
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Dear iPhone, I have typed ''hahaha'' like a million times, yet you continually give me ''hagaha'', ''bahaha'', ''gagaha''... I hate you.
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I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
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0

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