Funny Facebook Statuses

Research shows that funny Facebook statuses are the ones that generally get the most positive reaction from readers. Being light-hearted and funny is definitely the way to win approval from large numbers of Facebook users, and funny Facebook statuses are the best way to go about it. For those who are not naturally funny, there are lots of Facebook statuses about funny things available here.

Please add only relevant and interesting statuses. If your total rating gets to low you won't be able to post again for some time.

A sign on the wall of the drug store said, "Ask the pharmacist if you have questions." How would the pharmacist know if I have questions?
( • ) ( • ) You pervs! Those are nice owl eyes, huh?
I'm in a relationship with sleep and i get some everynite... and if im lucky i get some during the day
I want my casket to have a crank on it that plays the jack-in-box music.
Dear Monday, why are you following Sunday? don't be a stalker!! :D
Sometimes I wake up grumpy, and other times I just let her sleep
I wish I had somebody to blame all of my problems on, like my wife does.
I'm actually really nice, until you annoy me.
The Fourth of July is an annual reminder of how useless my dog would be in a war.
I’m a social vegan. I avoid meet.
Sarcasm is a body’s natural defense against stupid.
Men, we failed we just can never understand the woman's logic, so give up trying, nod your head, and say thank you for still loving us anyway
Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's an Instagram filter.
Tips to reduce weight: turn your head to the right, now to the left... now repeat this procedure every time you're offered something to eat.
The work week is so long even the calendar says W T F
I may be crazy, funny,random, and slightly insane.. but u gotta love me :D
It's 10 degrees here today. I just keyed someone's car with my nipples.
Tonight... I'm drinking until I'm someone Else's problem!


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