Funny Facebook Statuses

Research shows that funny Facebook statuses are the ones that generally get the most positive reaction from readers. Being light-hearted and funny is definitely the way to win approval from large numbers of Facebook users, and funny Facebook statuses are the best way to go about it. For those who are not naturally funny, there are lots of Facebook statuses about funny things available here.

Please add only relevant and interesting statuses. If your total rating gets to low you won't be able to post again for some time.

I wonder how long I can keep "eating for two" before people notice I'm not actually pregnant.
I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center.
Somebody needs to starts a dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.
I'm awesome at "picking up dropped food, pretending to set it aside in the bag or corner of my plate, nonchalantly eating it seconds later."
Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their doors..
Sometimes I get up really early, drink some coffee and read some awesome motivational quotes. Then I go back to bed.
Behind every great man is a great woman and a couple other great people wishing he'd just order something
If each day is a gift, I'd like to know where I can return Monday.
I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure and that I'd want it if there was.
Took a girl to Starbucks because I forgot her name.
Every pizza is a personal pizza if you eat the entire thing.
I have two modes. Sleep is for the weak and sleeping for a week.
It's been 4 years to the day that I threw that boomerang. I still find myself looking over my shoulder and living in fear.
If I were a cannibal, I'd work at a tanning salon. That way my dinners would cook themselves.
Tattoos are an expensive and painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification.
If weed is ever legalized, I can't wait to see the commercials...
Everyone keeps telling me to never succumb to peer pressure. So I'm going to take their advice and not listen to them.
On Pandora ♡ Skip* Skip* Skip* Skip* Skip* Skip* *Runs Outta Skips Changes Station D; Who Else Does That ?☆


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