Funny Facebook Statuses

Research shows that funny Facebook statuses are the ones that generally get the most positive reaction from readers. Being light-hearted and funny is definitely the way to win approval from large numbers of Facebook users, and funny Facebook statuses are the best way to go about it. For those who are not naturally funny, there are lots of Facebook statuses about funny things available here.

Please add only relevant and interesting statuses. If your total rating gets to low you won't be able to post again for some time.

How long does it take to shoot an apple off someone's head with a bow and arrow? Time Will Tell.
My taste in music ranges from "You NEED to hear this" to "please don't judge me".
Somebody needs to starts a dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.
I'm awesome at "picking up dropped food, pretending to set it aside in the bag or corner of my plate, nonchalantly eating it seconds later."
I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center.
Tattoos are an expensive and painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification.
I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure and that I'd want it if there was.
Duct tape doesn't fix stupidity, but it definitely muffles the sound.
If I were a cannibal, I'd work at a tanning salon. That way my dinners would cook themselves.
Took a girl to Starbucks because I forgot her name.
I have two modes. Sleep is for the weak and sleeping for a week.
If each day is a gift, I'd like to know where I can return Monday.
It's been 4 years to the day that I threw that boomerang. I still find myself looking over my shoulder and living in fear.
How can people lift weights? My arms get tired just by putting my hair in a ponytail...
It's only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" is a hit reality show.
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a beautiful day.
Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their doors..
I wonder how long I can keep "eating for two" before people notice I'm not actually pregnant.


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