Funny Facebook Statuses

Research shows that funny Facebook statuses are the ones that generally get the most positive reaction from readers. Being light-hearted and funny is definitely the way to win approval from large numbers of Facebook users, and funny Facebook statuses are the best way to go about it. For those who are not naturally funny, there are lots of Facebook statuses about funny things available here.

Please add only relevant and interesting statuses. If your total rating gets to low you won't be able to post again for some time.

How can people lift weights? My arms get tired just by putting my hair in a ponytail...
Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their doors..
It's only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" is a hit reality show.
a boy walked in on his mom and dad having sex. His dad said "we're making you a brother/sister" the boy replies "do her doggie-style, I'd rather have a puppie"
Behind every great man is a great woman and a couple other great people wishing he'd just order something
Somebody needs to starts a dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.
If each day is a gift, I'd like to know where I can return Monday.
I'm awesome at "picking up dropped food, pretending to set it aside in the bag or corner of my plate, nonchalantly eating it seconds later."
I have two modes. Sleep is for the weak and sleeping for a week.
I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center.
How long does it take to shoot an apple off someone's head with a bow and arrow? Time Will Tell.
Every pizza is a personal pizza if you eat the entire thing.
I wonder how long I can keep "eating for two" before people notice I'm not actually pregnant.
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a beautiful day.
Tattoos are an expensive and painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification.
If I were a cannibal, I'd work at a tanning salon. That way my dinners would cook themselves.
It's been 4 years to the day that I threw that boomerang. I still find myself looking over my shoulder and living in fear.
I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure and that I'd want it if there was.


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