Funny Facebook Statuses

Research shows that funny Facebook statuses are the ones that generally get the most positive reaction from readers. Being light-hearted and funny is definitely the way to win approval from large numbers of Facebook users, and funny Facebook statuses are the best way to go about it. For those who are not naturally funny, there are lots of Facebook statuses about funny things available here.

Please add only relevant and interesting statuses. If your total rating gets to low you won't be able to post again for some time.

Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a beautiful day.
Everyone keeps telling me to never succumb to peer pressure. So I'm going to take their advice and not listen to them.
I wonder how long I can keep "eating for two" before people notice I'm not actually pregnant.
I'm awesome at "picking up dropped food, pretending to set it aside in the bag or corner of my plate, nonchalantly eating it seconds later."
On Pandora ♡ Skip* Skip* Skip* Skip* Skip* Skip* *Runs Outta Skips Changes Station D; Who Else Does That ?☆
If each day is a gift, I'd like to know where I can return Monday.
I have two modes. Sleep is for the weak and sleeping for a week.
I feel bad for lions at zoo. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn't even eat them?
Most people like me are oblivious. I'm glad I'm not one of them.
Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their doors..
I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure and that I'd want it if there was.
Every pizza is a personal pizza if you eat the entire thing.
I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center.
If weed is ever legalized, I can't wait to see the commercials...
Sometimes I get up really early, drink some coffee and read some awesome motivational quotes. Then I go back to bed.
It's only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" is a hit reality show.
It's been 4 years to the day that I threw that boomerang. I still find myself looking over my shoulder and living in fear.
Behind every great man is a great woman and a couple other great people wishing he'd just order something


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