Funny Facebook Statuses

Research shows that funny Facebook statuses are the ones that generally get the most positive reaction from readers. Being light-hearted and funny is definitely the way to win approval from large numbers of Facebook users, and funny Facebook statuses are the best way to go about it. For those who are not naturally funny, there are lots of Facebook statuses about funny things available here.

Please add only relevant and interesting statuses. If your total rating gets to low you won't be able to post again for some time.

Funny Facebook Statuses
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If I were invisible I'd go to Paris and beat up a street mime...the applause he would get would be incredible
Funny
0
Why is "Pissed" an expression of being upset? I've never been so mad that I pee'd myself.
Funny
--1
How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife?
Funny
--1
Jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed jingler.
Funny
0
If I was the guy that made Where’s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn’t there.
Funny
+1
I told Santa what I wanted for Christmas and he washed my mouth out with soap.
Funny
0
I would pick up a hitchhiker wearing an “I Heart Murder” t-shirt before I’d pick up a call from a blocked number.
Funny
+2
I need professional help. A chef and a butler should do it.
Funny
0
Tequila probably won’t fix your problems, but it’s worth a shot.
Funny
+8
My alarm clock stopped working, so I'll be setting the microwave for 8 hours while I sleep on the kitchen floor.
Funny
+1
Funny Facebook Statuses
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One day you're the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you're toast.
Funny
0
Hangovers are nature's way of grounding you as an adult.
Funny
+2
Sometimes, the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
Funny
0
Whenever someone says they did something, "like a boss", I assume that means they didn’t do it at all and are merely taking credit for it.
Funny
0
Do you, take Ted the Optometrist to be your lawfully wedded husband, for better or worse? Better... or worse? Better... or worse?
Funny
0
If I could get a firm grip on reality...I'd probably choke it.
Funny
0
Success is like a fart. It only bothers people when it's not their own.
Funny
+1
I just realized I’ll never be a Lawyer because I can’t pass a bar.
Funny
0

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