Funny Facebook Statuses

Research shows that funny Facebook statuses are the ones that generally get the most positive reaction from readers. Being light-hearted and funny is definitely the way to win approval from large numbers of Facebook users, and funny Facebook statuses are the best way to go about it. For those who are not naturally funny, there are lots of Facebook statuses about funny things available here.

Please add only relevant and interesting statuses. If your total rating gets to low you won't be able to post again for some time.

I don't have a Twitter account, so I just carry around a megaphone to announce what I'm doing at random times. So far I've got 3 followers - but I think 2 of them are cops.
Have you ever noticed that it's impossible to make pinching your elbow hurt?
When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.
Me: ''Hola! Como estas? :)'' Spanish guy: *Speaks mad fast Spanish* Me: ''Dude, chill! Dora didn't teach me that yet!''
Balloons are so weird. "Happy birthday, here's a plastic sack of my breath."
Say this out loud fast: ''U R 2 6 C I 1 2 4 Q.''
The best memories come from bad ideas.
(._.) ( l: ) ( .-. ) ( :l ) (._.) They see me rollin, they hatin
Learn a lesson from your dog. No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that crap and move on.
I'm actually not funny. I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking.
While wearing a bikini you show 90% of your body, but men are so polite, that they stare only at the covered places.
She texted me: "your adorable." I replied: "no, YOU'RE adorable." Now she likes me, but all I did was point out her typo.
When I say '' It's a long story'' It usually means I just dont want to tell you it.
One night, as I as lying in bed, I looked up at the stars and thought to myself: "What the fuck happened to the roof?"
A baby just smiled at me and now I want... Nope, it's crying now. Nope.
I can't take this long distance relationship anymore... Fridge, you're coming to my room
Anyone else sit on the toilet and play with their phone until you realized you have been finished 10 minutes ago?
I hate it when someone turns the lights on while I`m asleep and I`m all like (o__-)


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