Witty Facebook Statuses

Witty #636126

DYSFUNCTION - abnormal or unhealthy interpersonal behavior or interaction within a group. Doesn't that just scream party looking for a place to happen?

Witty #678570

WARNING!!! The devil drunk in my cheerios this morning...Bitch mode has now been activated!

Witty #675884

thinks this world needs an enema... we really need to clean out all of the assholes!

Witty #643250

I can dodge bullets just like Neo... If you throw them at me. :)

Witty #674820

they breaks up with you than in less than 24 hours finds someone else...

Witty #642415

Hugs and love to all my friends and family.

Witty #667456

Right folks everyone give me 1 number between 1-49, first 12 numbers I get I am going to put on 2 lucky dips for Saturdays lottery,

Witty #629328

According to the dictionary, "YIELD" means "to give way". According to the average driver, it means "go like hell/you can make it/screw them"

Witty #642543

I ain't qualified enough to answer phone

Witty #634470

did you hear about that guy who was born with an extra testicle ?

Witty #657223

It's never too late to learn something useless.

Witty #682456

Why do you need a nail-gun? to fix the sculpture i have in the garden, it keeps collapsing! What sculpture? It's called Giant Jenga!!

Witty #649072

I'm driving down the highway with a box of apples in my trunk, when someone comes up on my ass. I shout "Don't you run into me or we'll be making applesauce!"

Witty #683442

Wondering why I like you, I miss you. Its a disease -the millionaire's 1st Love

Witty #650378

idk y girls have 2 pose on their profile pic, lips all pouted like they're pretending to kiss u? is that supposed 2 look hot? u look like a goldfish! *blob* :D)

Witty #664682

Oh Wtf..*sighs and gets up to go see what he/she wanted*

Witty #646331

I may not be perfect But take me as i am or not at all Bitches :@

Witty #638793

girl: nob

Witty #629120

A tip for when your feeling shit. Wear gloves.

Witty #624979

"If I call and nobody answers, I just hang up! I'm like... OH... Two people can play at this game!" Ryan Sawyer u03dfu03dfu03dfu03df

Witty #638118

Friend: Justin Bieber is SO HOT! You: Get your coat. Friend: Why, where are we going? You: To the eye doctor! You have got to be BLIND!

Witty #659240

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. Simple really LOL

Witty #657124

It's funny how when you don't help someone how quickly they figure out how to help themselves magically

Witty #677726

u think I'm weird, i think I'm normal. u say I'm fat, i say I'm normal. u tell ppl I'm ugly, i tell ppl I'M REAL. :)

Witty #659751

Life isn't like a box of chocolates, because in a box of chocolates you always know what you are going to get because it tells you on the inside of the lid!

Witty #649040

I'm confused...what's up with all these guys wearing ear rings and Capri pants, are they having an identity crisis or what?