You can get your favourite quotes as a cute picture for your timeline, just click one of the image icons under the facebook status that you like.
Know a nice status? Don't hesitate, add it, (please use English though):
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Hello? HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet but you sent me a printer.
Nothing bonds women faster than finding out that they hate the same people.
Yesterday I had to screw in a light bulb. Later, I crossed a road and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.
Sometimes when I'm bored I like to go to the mall, find a great parking spot, and just sit in my car with the reverse lights on.
I’m going to start responding to videos people post of their babies on Facebook with videos of me getting eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.
I snorted a few lines of Centrum Silver and now I've got the urge to drive 25mph in the left lane with my right turn signal on all night.
You'd think Pizza Hut would be able to upgrade to a house by now.
I only eat the entire pint of ice cream in one sitting so that I won't be tempted to eat it later.
I'm going door to door to promote my new gym. It's called "Jehovah's Fitness".
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
If your problem can’t be solved by me saying “damn” and nodding a lot, then you shouldn’t come to me for help.
My foot’s not just asleep it's outright coma toes
Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.
It’s amazing how long you can hold your farts at the beginning of a relationship.
Sorry, I didn't recognize you without your Instagram filter.
Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish and he'll become a prince.
Me: Where can I find the milk? Her: Sir, this is a library. Me: *whispers* Sorry, where can I find the milk?
If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and texted me 3 days later asking if I have a girlfriend yet.