Funny Facebook Statuses

Research shows that funny Facebook statuses are the ones that generally get the most positive reaction from readers. Being light-hearted and funny is definitely the way to win approval from large numbers of Facebook users, and funny Facebook statuses are the best way to go about it. For those who are not naturally funny, there are lots of Facebook statuses about funny things available here.

Please add only relevant and interesting statuses. If your total rating gets to low you won't be able to post again for some time.

Anyone else notice that Disney made Hercules a ginger so that he could swim in the soul sucking river of Styx without dying?
If you don't pay your exorcist on time you might get repossessed.
If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it.... then how bad of a decision can it really be?
It's not the torch she carries for me that has me worried, it's the gas can in her other hand.
I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I'm better than you, but I feel really horrible about myself for letting you know...
Everyone keeps telling me to never succumb to peer pressure. So I'm going to take their advice and not listen to them.
Plot Twist: the extreme cold in America is actually just Disney’s advertising campaign for Frozen.
It's not a birthing video. It's bornography.
Impotence is nature's way of saying "no hard feelings".
I find it easier to Netflix with study on in the background.
I'll tell you what a woman wants. She wants you to drag her to the bedroom, toss her down, and do the dishes and laundry while she takes a nap.
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on carpet, but only for like 20 seconds...
Squirrels are just rats with cuter outfits.
Sometimes I get up really early, drink some coffee and read some awesome motivational quotes. Then I go back to bed.
Most people like me are oblivious. I'm glad I'm not one of them.
When I'm bored I like to call in sick to places I don't work for. I'm getting written up at Kohls.
Screw you, regular cars that look like police cars and vice versa.
Some days you're the Titanic, some days you're the iceberg, and some days you're the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down....


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