Funny Facebook Statuses

Research shows that funny Facebook statuses are the ones that generally get the most positive reaction from readers. Being light-hearted and funny is definitely the way to win approval from large numbers of Facebook users, and funny Facebook statuses are the best way to go about it. For those who are not naturally funny, there are lots of Facebook statuses about funny things available here.

Please add only relevant and interesting statuses. If your total rating gets to low you won't be able to post again for some time.

It's only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" is a hit reality show.
I wonder how long I can keep "eating for two" before people notice I'm not actually pregnant.
Somebody needs to starts a dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.
I'm awesome at "picking up dropped food, pretending to set it aside in the bag or corner of my plate, nonchalantly eating it seconds later."
Just saw a guy check out my wife. Good luck, dude. I don't even have a chance with her and I'm MARRIED to her.
I bet if you asked a one-eyed person, they'd tell you it really WAS all fun and games up until that point.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life, but so was yesterday, and look how that turned out...
I wish there was a rollover plan for all the childhood naps I refused.
If I were a cannibal, I'd work at a tanning salon. That way my dinners would cook themselves.
Took a girl to Starbucks because I forgot her name.
If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
If each day is a gift, I'd like to know where I can return Monday.
I want a closed-casket funeral when I die. And in case anyone opens it, I want one of those boxing gloves on a spring to shoot out.
How can people lift weights? My arms get tired just by putting my hair in a ponytail...
My taste in music ranges from "You NEED to hear this" to "please don't judge me".
Duct tape doesn't fix stupidity, but it definitely muffles the sound.
It's been 4 years to the day that I threw that boomerang. I still find myself looking over my shoulder and living in fear.
Tattoos are an expensive and painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification.


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