You can get your favourite quotes as a cute picture for your timeline, just click one of the image icons under the facebook status that you like.
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Don't die a virgin. Seriously, there are terrorists up there waiting for you.
This homeless guy asked me for money the other day and I was about to give it to him then I thought; he's just going to spend it on alcohol and drugs. Why should I give it to him? Then I realized that's what I'm gonna use it for. Who am I to judge this poor bastard?
For every photo a girl posts of herself, there are 27 others in the exact same pose that weren't quite good enough.
Whenever I feel intimidated by someone I imagine them drinking out of a hamster water bottle.
I'll never understand why cartoon pictures of the sun always depict it wearing sunglasses. What exactly would it be protecting its eyes from?
Here's a list of things I like:
I consider my body less of a temple and more of a ruin.
The easiest way for me to lose inches is to switch to the metric system.
The current U.S. flag was designed by a 17 years old student. Sad but true, he only got a B minus for the project.
I'm not good in relationships. My last relationship ended when I didn't open the car door for her. Instead I just swam up to the surface.
If you can quote the whole ''Step Brothers'' movie then we'll get along just fine.
OK, I'm not an advertising specialist but seriously McDonald's, what the hell were you thinking?!? Somebody asked me the other day if I'd tried a McDonald's McWrap. I said "Why would I eat something called McCrap?!?"
Hoe i will ✄ you
"Go left at the chopsticks in the road" - Chinese directions
Some consider Romeo and Juliet a tale of true romantic love. Sure, if you consider 2 underage kids in a relationship that lasted 3 days causing 2 suicides and 3 murders romantic.
Reading that California now has the Powerball. I'm confused. Hasn't Lance Armstrong lived here for years?
Periods are ridiculous. Females shouldn't be punished for not being pregnant.
If I start to spell your name the right way, please don't interrupt me with whatever wrong way your parents chose to spell it.