Funny Facebook Statuses

Funny #667814

Saw Linkin Park last night. The guitarist was giving people high fives and someone grabbed their arm. they said "Get off my arm, I need that arm." haha

Funny #641283

heard 'Viagra' is now available in powder form for your tea. It doesn't enhance your sexual performance but it does stop your biscuit going soft

Funny #653649

is as bored as a gay man in a hot tub full of lesbians!

Funny #687575

yup I'm a bitch so what if you don't like it don't talk to me that easy

Funny #641456

Here i sit broken hearted, had to shit but only farted :/

Funny #648286

I wish I was skinny but bitch somethings don't work out the way you want them to!

Funny #643020

I am the king of ninjitsu and effing things up. Let see how those turn out together...

Funny #639958

Happy Fucking Halloween. Be Very Safe. Remember the Freaks comes out at night, Boo

Funny #626014

'No Payments until 2013'

Funny #673910

the time is now silly o'clock, feel free to continue to act like an idiot or come to your senses and retire to bed..!

Funny #627753

6-Pack of tomato beer, $6.50 Double-Bean Burrito, $2.79 The cats reaction to sneaking up on it in a dead sleep, bare-assing fart in it's face, PRICELESS!

Funny #670047

So you say I'm not cool. Well cool is another word for cold, and if I'm not cold then I'm hot. So thank you

Funny #648583

I would ___ you.

Funny #674911

they said shes the Kim Kardashian of Staten Island with what ass? Pancake ass! <3 JWOWW <3

Funny #646676

I never said you were ugly bitch I said ur mumma is ugly I still dunno wtf u r ;)

Funny #670415

Some people say laughter is the best medicine i like to think high powered narcotic's is the way to go.

Funny #653800

is bored. WAIT! I KNOW WHAT TO DO! I'm gonna go buy a grim reaper costume and go stand across the street from a home and watch the reaction. Wanna come?

Funny #687120

you've had more cum in u then a sperm bank

Funny #667736

Same day different shite!!!

Funny #666853

R.I.P. me... I have just died of boredom :/

Funny #646894

I recently realized I'm not the queen of the world...WELL WHO TREK IS??

Funny #632651

C'mon teachers... You gotta know when your students are texting. Nobody just looks at their crotch and smiles. Except for maybe Michael Met. Ha.

Funny #670663

Someone stole my coke, and it wasn't cola!

Funny #640623

Has the inventiveness of Albert Einstein, but with the attention span of Daffy Duck.

Funny #628672

A good friend will take you to the hospital if you fall into a coma. A best friend will draw a penis on your forehead on the way.

Funny #675149

they-yo I like geeseo