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Men, we failed we just can never understand the woman's logic, so give up trying, nod your head, and say thank you for still loving us anyway
It's 10 degrees here today. I just keyed someone's car with my nipples.
While wearing a bikini you show 90% of your body, but men are so polite, that they stare only at the covered places.
I can't take this long distance relationship anymore... Fridge, you're coming to my room
Have you ever noticed that it's impossible to make pinching your elbow hurt?
I'm actually not funny. I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking.
When I say '' It's a long story'' It usually means I just dont want to tell you it.
The best memories come from bad ideas.
Anyone else sit on the toilet and play with their phone until you realized you have been finished 10 minutes ago?
I’m a social vegan. I avoid meet.
I'm actually really nice, until you annoy me.
One night, as I as lying in bed, I looked up at the stars and thought to myself: "What the fuck happened to the roof?"
(._.) ( l: ) ( .-. ) ( :l ) (._.) They see me rollin, they hatin
Me: ''Hola! Como estas? :)'' Spanish guy: *Speaks mad fast Spanish* Me: ''Dude, chill! Dora didn't teach me that yet!''
Say this out loud fast: ''U R 2 6 C I 1 2 4 Q.''
When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.
I hate it when someone turns the lights on while I`m asleep and I`m all like (o__-)
A baby just smiled at me and now I want... Nope, it's crying now. Nope.