Cool Facebook Statuses

Cool #689814

The hardest job in the world must be working in a bubble wrap factory. Can u imagine the self control that is required to work there, "must not pop bubbles" Let's make Mondays illegal. All in favour click "like".

Cool #689815

Lets see who actually knows me? 1)First Name? 2)Middle Name (spell it right)? 3)Age? 4)B-day? 5)Eye colour? 6)Nickname? 7)Fave colour? 8)Fave Sport? When your parents accuse you of lying to them, just look them in the eye and say; SANTA CLAUS! EASTER BUNNY! TOOTH FAIRY!

Cool #689816

Got pulled over today and cop said "papers".. So I said scissors.. I WIN!! at 80 I'm gonna be that person in the retirement home that's being chased by her best friend because I stole her teeth :)

Cool #689817

HEY..I'M WATCHING GLEE...shut up or I'll throw a slushie in your face! It's definitely time for bed. Dwarf syndrome is setting in. I'm getting sleepy, grumpy and dopey. Goodnight all!

Cool #689818

I may not be able to give my kids everything they want but I give them what they need. Love, time, and attention. You can't buy those things. Man says to wife: "What would u do if i won the lottery?" Wife says: "Take half and leave you." Man says: "GREAT! I've won a tenner, here's a fiver now fuck off

Cool #689819

the police came to my house earlier & said my dog had chased someone on a bike i said fuck off my dog hasn't got a bike HEY..I'M WATCHING GLEE...shut up or I'll throw a slushie in your face!

Cool #689771

Mum, I wish heaven had a phone, so I could hear your voice again. I wish heaven had stairs, so I could come and see you and hug you again. Love you always. Rip.

Cool #689772

Mary, Mary quite contrary, let all the boys have a go. In 9 months time, it's DNA time, on the Jeremy Kyle show. Next time you go on a roller coaster bring some spare bolts with you & tell the person in front of you, "Dude these came out of your seat!"

Cool #689773

People say the longer someone is gone, the easier it gets. Truth is, the longer they're gone, the more you miss them and the more it hurts :\/ I miss you dad. I hate when people see me at the super market & are like "hey what are you doing here?" I'm like "Oh you know, hunting elephants"

Cool #689774

\h2665\h2665\h266o\h266n Happy Birthday to you \h266n\h266o\h2022*\h00n8*\h2022.\h00o8\h00o8\h2665\h00o8 \h00o8.\h2022*\h00n8*\h2022\h266o\h266n Happy Birthday to you \h266n\h266o\h2022*\h00n8* People say the longer someone is gone, the easier it gets. Truth is, the longer they're gone, the more you miss them and the more it hurts :\/ I miss you dad.

Cool #689775

like if you think that footballers and soldiers should swap wages :) says "Top a da' Mornin' to y'all mi darlin's!

Cool #689767

is thinking - Peppa Pig would make a cracking Bacon Butty! what do u call a ginger prostitute??,orange pay as u go:)

Cool #689768

Sometimes I look at my friends and think to myself, "Where the hell did I meet these crazy people?" But then I think "What the hell would I do without them" (: If you see me smiling it's cos I'm thinking of doing something evil or naughty. If you see me laughing it's cos I've already done it

Cool #689769

Don't drink the green beer! It's leprechaun pee! says i got banned from B&Q yesterday coz this weirdo in an orange apron came up to me and asked me if i wanted decking but luckily i punched her first!!!

Cool #690480

I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "Alright, get in the basket" For those who keep sending me farm ville requests Please stop! I got banned because i was growing marijuana and selling it in Mafia Wars!

Cool #690288

is thinking - Peppa Pig would make a cracking Bacon Butty! it is amazing the effect our pets have in our lives. The only ones who love unconditionally, and that makes the loss so hard. you will always be in my heart.

Cool #690289

Time flies when your throwing your alarm clock across the room.

Cool #690290

Life has knocked me down a few times, I've seen things i never want to see again, But one things for sure, I'll always get back up, i will never stay down. TIP OF THE DAY: never hold your fart in because they travel up your spine, into your brain & that's where your shit ideas come from!!

Cool #690291

i am clumsy and a brunette where is my sexy vampire? :( I might not have as much money as some people, but every time I look at my daughter I know I am the richest person in the world!

Cool #690285

Why am I so worried about pissing other people off or hurting their feelings when they obviously aren't worried about doing the same to me?! I'm bored so lets have EVERYONE that looks at this status ( yes that means you ) comment and write the most random thing you can think of right now ok. . GO!

Cool #690286

is Lost Please return me to Johnny Depp lol \h2665 I love Facebook. it's the only place where I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot.

Cool #690287

Disney should make a princess with no hair, so that every little girl in the world who's fighting cancer will know she's beautiful! Like If You Agree (: like if you think that footballers and soldiers should swap wages :)

Cool #690278

Life is like a camera. Focus on what's important, capture the good times, develop from the negatives and if things don't work out, just take another shot.

Cool #690279

I'm bored so lets have EVERYONE that looks at this status ( yes that means you ) comment and write the most random thing you can think of right now ok. . GO! The Jeremy Kyle Show:The only place you'll see a six month old baby with more teeth than their parents.

Cool #690280

if you like me, poke me. If you miss me, like this post. If you love me, send me a secret message. If you hate me, comment and tell me why!

Cool #690281

is Lost Please return me to Johnny Depp lol \h2665