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We hand pick our most popular facebook statuses to find the best facebook status for your profile. Your friends will love any of the funny facebook statuses you find here and will enjoy reading your facebook status updates. Our facebook statuses collection is always growing so you can always get the best facebook status here. Visit frequently to find the best facebook statuses. Find the best facebook statuses here.
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My bucket list: 4 drumsticks, 2 thighs, 2 mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits. Extra crispy…
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At my funeral play the Super Mario original theme until my casket is lowered in the ground then play the underground music
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Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE!” I’m happy to report that I succeeded…
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When I was little I didn’t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it’s obvious that my parents didn’t care either.
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“Everything you say can and will be used against you” should be included in marriage vows.
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You can look at some people and instantly know they’re only going to get two awards in life, a birth and a death certificate.
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A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.
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I’m that friend that you have to explain to people before you introduce me and apologize about afterwards.
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We never really grow up, we just learn how to act in public.
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My internet goes out more than I do.
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My inner child is a mean little fucker.
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Every woman deserves a man who looks at get everyday like the day he realized he was in love with her
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You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks you what you like to do for fun.
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Electric hand dryers are great for when you want to just give up and wipe your hands on your pants.
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Every woman deserves a man who looks at get everyday like the day he realized he was in love with her
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My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions
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This getting older thing really sucks. These days my eyes are so bad I have to buy the Large Print edition of Alphabet Soup.
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I don’t mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
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