You can get your favourite quotes as a cute picture for your timeline, just click one of the image icons under the facebook status that you like.
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When I die I want my body donated to science, but more specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life…
My dog reacts to the vacuum cleaner much the same way I react when my wife says "We need to talk".
When I was a kid...no wait, I still do that.
Would you mind going with me to my next Psychologist appointment? He thinks I'm making you up.
I don't think I meet the height requirement to ride your emotional roller coaster.
With the new iPhone bending in people's pockets it has left hipsters debating between the new iphone and skinny jeans.
I'm so happy that an elephant with bladder control problems couldnt piss on my parade!!!!
Why do baby clothes have pockets?
I'm okay, but deep inside, I'm not okay...
Why am I fooling myself? I know I'm too depressed, but I tried to lie to myself. What went wrong?
The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.
Since they're loud and heavily scented already, Abercrombie & Fitch stores really are the ideal spot to go fart.
If you’re wondering about who the oldest James Bond was, don’t google ‘old man bond age’
Center of a doughnut is 100% fat free.
When life gets you down, just remember: It’s never too early or too late for a nap.
I’ve finally worked up the courage to tell you how I feel. I feel hungry.