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I can tell how productive I was at work by how much battery my cell phone has left when I leave.
Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
I would rather listen to an album recorded by an actual pitbull than Pitbull.
if you are going down a road and don't like what's in front of you and look behind you and don't like what you see, get off the road Create a new path
I know what I want and if you dont got it, then I dont want you
Helped a Mexican ex-gangster get a job today... and I STILL got an 'F' !?! ... Apparently that is not how you "Write an Essay"!
Tomorrow is my exam but I dont care Because a single sheet of paper cannot decide my future...
ok bye friends good night
I have a strange feeling this year's "must have" Halloween costume will be a Level-4 biohazard suit.
When life gives you lemons... get the tequila and salt.
I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them...
They should create an app that makes your cellphone go “ahhhhhhhh” when you plug it in.
You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.
Without a doubt, the cashew is my favorite nut that sounds like a sneeze.
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch yesterday.
A buttload is an actual measurement for drug smugglers.