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I really worry about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
At this point, I'm fine that Prince Charming was a hoax. I'd much rather have the mythical forest creatures that clean houses be real.
I fall sleep easier naked. Why can’t the flight attendants understand this?
If you're wondering about my cooking skills, I've been asked to bring paper towels to our family gathering.
I don't normally poop with the door open, but I don't want to miss the in flight movie
Buddhists party hard 'cause YOL∞.
As a Harry Potter fan, I wanted to go to Hogwarts. As a Hunger Games fan, not so much...
I love when my mom tells me that I should go on more dates as if it's something within my control.
I really want to sleep, but my brain won't stop talking to itself.
If my computer desktop were an actual place, they would bring in blindfolded people to make a Febreeze commercial.
Now that the Playstation 4 has been released, maybe now I can afford the first one.
Life is a bitch, you only need to know how to fuck her and everything will be allright!
Getting my kids to the airport always feels like I'm recreating the first 10 minutes of "Home Alone."
I lost my mood ring today, not sure how I feel about it.
I don't need an angel on top of my tree, as my angel, my mum is looking down on me. miss you mum
MTV has canceled "Teen Mom." So at least MTV knows when to pull out...