You can get your favourite quotes as a cute picture for your timeline, just click one of the image icons under the facebook status that you like.
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Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I'd love to bring a guest.
"If by "cat person" you mean I sleep a lot and will lose my temper with you without provocation, then yes, I'm a cat person."
Dance like nobody is watching! because they're not...they're checking their phone.
its hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember.
if u have any problem with my attitude then fuck off
Single white sock seeks same.
I read my kids a few select Facebook statuses before bed, kiss them on their heads, and whisper, "This is why we have to stay in school"
My Tinder Rule: If we meet offline and you look nothing like your photos, you're buying me drinks until you do.
Somebody just asked me if I knew a good plastic surgeon. Would I look like this if I did?
If you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.
No thanks, marriage. If I want to never get laid, I'll just start wearing crocs.
I’m going to switch my insurance from Geico to Allstate, then Statefarm, then back to Geico. If i’m correct, they should owe me $950
I just wanted you all to know that I’m leaving Facebook. This ride has been a blast and I’ve made a ton of friends who I really do consider friends in the truest sense. Your humor and wit is amazing. I’ll miss all of you, but I’ve decided I need to spend more time with my family. So... see you after breakfast
It hurts when someone you love says mean things to you like, "It's time to wake up."