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Charles Manson is engaged to be married at the age of 80. Think they're registered at Blood Bath & Beyond?
You call it beef jerky. I prefer the term "cow raisins"
Sorry. I'm just now seeing your text from last night. Do you still need that EpiPen?
20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the “bad part of town,” meaning there was no 4G in that area.
Best of luck explaining why you’re still single at Thanksgiving and Charles Manson isn’t
Tattoo artists should have built-in spell check.
If you have a dog grooming business and didn't name it "Doggie Style" then something is seriously wrong with you.
do not trust::ever even yourself
love you all
if you are reading this
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel crossing the street.
I woke up screaming this morning. Then I had to apologize to everyone in the staff meeting.
I told everyone at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I won’t have to talk to them.
The hardest part is saying goodbye, but in order to get to the rainbow you must pass through the storm.
Keep the dream alive! Hit the snooze button.
Bacon: low-carb and gluten-free. I think I just found the staple to my next diet.
You can tell a lot about a woman's mood by her hands. For instance, if they are holding a gun she's probably angry.
I love a good nap. Sometimes it's the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.